


46. Drinks, truth and not-quite-sex. Part One.

by glitteredsins, jennandanica



Series: Citadel: Antony Starr and Stephen Amell [46]
Category: Actor RPF, Arrow (TV 2012) RPF, Banshee RPF, Citadel (Journalfen RPG), New Zealand Actor RPF, Vampire Diaries RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-14 13:29:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4566399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitteredsins/pseuds/glitteredsins, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennandanica/pseuds/jennandanica
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Warnings for references to Ian's assault, oblique references to how Antony dealt with Ian's attacker and discussion of drug use</p>
    </blockquote>





	46. Drinks, truth and not-quite-sex. Part One.

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for references to Ian's assault, oblique references to how Antony dealt with Ian's attacker and discussion of drug use

It's been nearly 3 weeks since Ian's attack, he's back at work, busy and preoccupied with settling in with Joe - even so, he's had it at the back of his mind what Antony had said when he'd last seen him, about making time to see each other, so with that in his thoughts he'd arranged to meet his...friend...at the club.

Ian had a half day off, and had used that time to hit up the club's spa - spending hours getting spoiled from head to toe. So when he wanders out of there and makes his way over to reception and through to the bar complex he's feeling good, more like his old self than he has in weeks.

A pint already in front of him, Antony's reviewing the specs for a job Josh has sent over when he glances up and sees Ian heading towards the booth. "Hey, mate," he murmurs, smiling as he stands, an arm thrown around Ian's neck, pulling him in for a quick hug. "You look so much better than the last time I saw you."

In a new, but now instinctive, move Ian drops his hands to Antony's waist, thereby controlling the squeeze of any hugs offered; he'd learned that trick after his first day back at work. He does a gentle squeeze of his own and presses a kiss to Antony's cheek. "Hi, and I feel so much better too, thank you," he murmurs in response.

"Still sore though?" Antony asks, taking his seat again, noticing the way Ian softened the hug.

"Yeah, my ribs are a bitch, and I get headaches but, other than a few scars, I'm doing okay," Ian nods and takes the seat next to his friend. "At least I don't look like shit any more huh?"

Antony grins. He's not going to deny Ian looked pretty damn awful there for a bit. "You look your normal hot self again," he says with a smile, gesturing to a server to come take Ian's order.

And doesn't Ian just want to preen and bask in that compliment for a moment, because he's felt so damned shit about himself in general since it happened. When the server arrives he asks for a simple pot of tea and smiles his thanks.

"You're back to work okay?" Antony asks, taking a sip from his pint. He knows Ian has to be but it's an opening for Ian to tell him if he's having any troubles other than the ones already mentioned.

"Yeah, they're not really happy with me to be fair, I usually do all my own physical and stunt work, but that's not doable so they've had to get someone in to double for me. But I'm playing extra nice and being a good boy to make up for it, so it's all good," Ian shrugs. "Anyway, how are you?"

"I'm good," Antony says with a smile. "Crazy busy with work, spending as much time as I can with Stephen." He laughs. "I actually turned down a job the other week, which is pretty much unheard of." And which pissed Marcus off to no end.

"Ha! So I was right, you are a smitten kitten then," Ian reaches out to playfully shove at Antony's shoulder. "He must be something special," he adds a little softer. "I _am_ pleased for you."

"Thanks." Antony laughs, ducking his head a little. "I'm pretty pleased myself. Speaking of special, how's Joe?"

"Joe..." Just his lover's name in his mouth has Ian smiling. "Joe's good, busy as all fuck. We're in the house now, settling in, getting used to our respective schedules," he stops and nods. "He's really good."

"Glad to hear it," Antony says, smiling because Ian's smiling and because they're obviously both so fucking happy. Despite three weeks ago. "We should all get together for dinner sometime. Let the boys meet."

Nodding Ian shifts in his seat; he fidgets a lot more these days. "I'd like that, I think Joe would too, he's very grateful to you, for helping us, I think he'd like another chance to meet you, where we're actually all on an even keel."

"Yeah." Antony nods. "I know Stephen would definitely like to meet up with you again, especially since you're my exception." Which isn't _technically_ accurate since Ian _does_ belong to Citadel. "Either way, dinner, drinks, probably a good idea for us all to make friends if you and I are going to keep seeing each other."

Ian's inordinately pleased at being called 'my exception' but before the smile's tilted his mouth up fully Antony throws in an 'if'. " _If_ we're going to keep seeing each other?"

"Since," Antony says emphatically. "Since we're going to keep seeing each other. I misspoke." Although with everything that happened and how much he'd upset Ian the last time they saw each other, he wouldn't have been surprised if Ian had changed his mind.

"I guess this is partly why I wanted to see you," Ian admits, relaxing a little, and he lets his vulnerability show a little more by reaching out to press his fingers to Antony's knee. Before he can go on the server approaches with his tea and he thanks them, albeit a little distractedly. "I wanted to catch up, but I think perhaps you and I should talk - about the thing we do, and agree on an outline." He pauses to gather his thoughts. "Part of my contingency plan to not let _that_ ever happen again," he finishes.

"Okay." Antony nods, smiling at the touch. "What were you thinking?"

"More...I don't know...of a relationship?" Ian frowns. "Not in the traditional sense obviously, we've both got our primary partners, and I know I don't want anything to come between Joe and I, no more than you would between you and Stephen, but we talked a little before, the more I see you, the more you know me, the harder, _deeper_ we can play - then we both get our itches scratched, right?"

"Yeah." Antony nods again. "You know what my schedule's like though." He's gone half the month as it is. "Do we want to make sure we're seeing each other every time I'm home for any length of time? Or is that too much? Not enough?"

"I think to play...maybe once a month is fine...I used to kind of binge then abstain, depending on my head space. But now I'm settled...I don't know, we could try a regular hook up - see if you can get me down enough to play?" Ian's as much thinking aloud as he is negotiating, because this is entirely new territory for him.

"Sounds good, and then maybe just drinks or whatever the other time?" Antony says, thinking about the hours they spent together at his place, the way they'd both actually let their guard down with each other at the end of the night.

"Drinks is good, food, even sex... I'm fine with any of that," Ian nods, fussing with his tea a little. "I've got a question..." he asks softly. "When we've played before, have I called you 'Sir'?"

Antony nods. "Once, the last time at the gym," he says, gesturing for a refill on his pint as he drains it.

Ian blows out a breath. "It's not something you need from me when we play though is it?"

"Nope." Antony watches Ian closely, wondering what he's thinking - if calling him sir feels like he's betraying Kyan. "If you say it, it won't bother me, but it's not something I need or that I'll push for."

"Cool, thank you," Ian nods and sips his drink. "I guess the other thing we need to talk about is _where_ we play..." The implication of course is that if Antony wants to move things to the club, he'll no longer be able to use any drugs.

"I'm still good with the gym, or here," Antony says. "As long as you tell me what you're taking or what you took and let me take care of you after or at least get you back to Joe, I'm fine with you doing whatever. Within reason."

"What stuff don't you want me touching?" Ian appreciates the allowances being made, and wants to be clear with Antony.

"It's not so much a question of what. It's being informed and you letting me take care of you and - not that it's been a problem so far," Antony makes sure to say, "but I don't want you to coming to me so fucked up that I don't feel right playing with you."

"No, no, I won't do that," Ian shakes his head, eyes on the other man. "I've more respect for you than that," he assures Antony. "99% of the time it'll be coke or GHB, both of which you've seen me on, and to be honest, now I know I can be upfront with you, what I take will probably be determined by how you want to play,"

"Okay." Antony smiles. "And you'll call Christos if you ever need what we do and I'm not here?"

"Can we meet up first? He's not a club member I assume?" Ian asks quietly, because he's not entirely comfortable with the proposition, but he's promised both Joe and Antony that this is what he'll do.

"I pay my guys well but not that well," Antony says with a grin. "Do you want me there when you meet him?"

"Oh I didn't realise he worked for you," Ian blinks and smiles. "No, no, just I could do with meeting him for a drink first, because if we don't click - well he's going to be useless to me if I need him." He settles back in his seat a little more, cup in hand. "Then we'll have to look at a plan C..."

Antony laughs. "We'll just fly you out to wherever I am," he teases, nodding a thanks as the server brings his second pint.

"Maybe I should at least try and be sensible, and find someone here," Ian casts a glance around, but he's not looking overly optimistic. When he'd initially started craving those harder scenes he'd looked here first - but the men he'd picked up wouldn't play hard enough, wouldn't take him to the edge - not like those bastards he ended up with - not like Antony does.

"Well, Christos is probably the closest you're going to get to me and still be safe and playing the way you've promised Joe and me you will," Antony says. "But I'll set you guys up for drinks, you can tell me what you think and if he doesn't do it for you, I've got another name or two, both guys I've worked with but they don't work for me."

That feels like a directive, a clear statement that Antony wants Ian to do this under his protection, if not directly at his hand. Nursing his tea he considers the other man a little, as if weighing up whether to 'obey' the 'request'. "Okay, sure, I'll meet Christos, take it from there," he agrees softly.

"Good." Antony smiles. "It's such a relief to see you here, like this," he confesses. "I was so worried when Joe called, when we took you to the hospital..."

"I was a mess huh? I've got some big blank spots that night...particularly from before I got home, when it was happening," Ian pauses to rub his fingers over his mouth. "Not my finest hour that's for sure."

"It could've been worse," Antony says softly. "At least you came out the other side and now you have a plan in place, and you know you've got _two_ men you can count on to be there for you." He smiles, letting his fingers brush against Ian's other hand.

Ian's hand slides up, his fingers splayed to cover his face - Antony's words have brought a lump to his throat. _Fucking tears...again.._ He makes a grab for those fingers, seeking more than just that brief touch as he takes a breath, then another, fighting to get his emotions back under control. He swallows and nods. _Not alone any more Ian...not any more._

Antony twines their fingers together and gives Ian's hand a squeeze, shifting so their shoulders and thighs are touching. "It's okay, you know," he says softly. "After something like you went through, it's normal to feel like you're carrying everything right there under the surface."

Another nod, then with his head dipped, Ian lets his hand fall away, so he can wipe at his eyes. "Yeah, I'm crying a lot, stupid things set me off," he admits softly. "But I know it's okay...it's a release, and that's a good thing," he says as if to convince himself rather than Antony of that fact. He casts Antony a glance. "You really are my Knight in Shining Armour huh, I like that," he manages a smile.

Antony chuckles. "I don't think I've ever been called that," he murmurs, smiling back, thinking for a second - but only a second - of the asshole who did this to Ian. The dragon slayed.

"Well, you certainly came to our rescue, I don't know what it was, but I just knew, out of everyone, that you'd be the one person who could take care of that, take care of us." And this is where Ian really feels the gratitude he owes Antony, it's in how he took care of Joe. When Ian couldn't. "You looked after my Joe for me...I can't thank you enough for that."

"You already have," Antony says, slightly uncomfortable with this part of things. It's nothing special, nothing to be thanked for. It's just what he does. For those he cares for. "And I'm just glad you called. I'm sorry I wasn't there in the first place."

"No, that was on me," Ian turns his gaze on Antony. "I could have waited, I could have been less impatient, but I wasn't, what happened was my fault, I know that." He blows out a breath and picks up his tea, wanting to distract himself for just a moment.

"Is Joe expecting you home for dinner?" Antony asks, watching Ian, their fingers still loosely entwined.

Blowing out an amused noise Ian throws Antony a wry grin. "Joe wouldn't even notice it was dinner time unless I called him, let alone miss me enough to do anything about dinner." It's a little unfair, but after the first week at the new house Joe had reverted to his usual work ethic - ie all work and nothing else. "He's...working," he says by way of explanation. "He gets a little intense about it."

Antony smiles at that. "I can understand that," he says, having been accused, before Stephen, of having nothing in his life /but/ work. "Stephen's got a night shoot tonight." A small pause before he asks, "You want to get a room, spend some time together, order some dinner in? No scening, just... I wouldn't mind touching you more and I don't really want to do it here."

Ian's jaw works as he works through his immediate reaction to that - rather unexpected - offer. He sucks on his bottom lip for a moment before replying, his tone low and just a little hesitant. "No scening, and...no sex...not yet, it's too soon," he glances up to see if that makes a difference.

"No problem," Antony says, not at all surprised. It's only been three weeks. Not even. "You want me to have them bring that up?" he asks, nodding at Ian's tea.

"No I'll have fresh sent up thanks," Ian relaxes at the ease with which Antony agrees to his 'terms'. "Sadly I'm still off the vodka. Painkillers and alcohol don't mix, who knew?" he adds sarcastically.

Antony laughs and gives Ian's hand another squeeze before sliding out of the booth. "I was wondering about the tea," he says with a grin, waiting until Ian rises before heading for the front desk. "My mum always says it's the answer to everything."

"The tea thing isn't new, it's what I drink at home," Ian follows Antony, catching up with him as they leave the bar. "And she's not wrong, tea has magical properties, the only downside is that you can't get wasted on it," he adds with a grin.

"Don't be too sure about that," Antony grins back. "You need to get your hands on some coca tea. It comes from the same plant as cocaine."

"Oh!" And Ian being Ian he actually is interested in that particular tidbit of information. "Where can I get some then?" he blinks, all mock innocence and bright smiles.

Antony laughs, grabbing a keycard from the front desk. "I'll bring you some back the next time I'm in South America. It's illegal here unless 'decocanized'." He rolls his eyes.

Ian snorts at that, before following Antony toward the lifts. "I don't get why you're so cool with 'that stuff'," he uses air speech marks "when you clearly don't indulge yourself, most people who don't get a little judgemental about it."

"Everyone has their ways they unwind," Antony says with a shrug, poking the button for the lift. "I've seen alcohol do a lot more damage than grass or hash and most people are addicted to caffeine, they just don't admit it or are too fucking ignorant to know it's addictive. I only care when it affects someone's work or the people around them."

"And my use doesn't?" Ian asks as he follows Antony into the elevator, suddenly all serious again. He feels like he and Antony have some serious talking to do before they can move forward.

"I don't know. Does it?" Antony asks. "What happened a few weeks ago could have happened whether you were drugged up or not. Normally, I assume you make it to work, do your job... I assume Joe's okay with your drug use, that it's not a bone of contention between you two, and you and I have our understanding..."

Ian chews on the inside of his mouth for a moment before admitting. "Joe and I don't talk about it, he's never bought it up, and neither have I."

"Did you always use?" Antony asks, curious. "Before Kyan... when you were with him?"

"I did dope sure, I used coke occasionally. People forget I was a model before I got into acting, coke is rife in that industry," Ian answers slowly as he thinks it through. "With Kyan? Just the occasional joint, all that was alien to him, he never indulged and he had that suspiciousness about it all that people who have never dabbled have. Then after he died... I tried it all, found what worked for me, and then settled down into using when I go out clubbing or when I'm playing off club," he shrugs. "I'm a regular user, but that means maybe a few times a month, sometimes more, sometimes less."

Antony nods, holding the lift door open and then following Ian out into the hall. It's empty but he still keeps his voice low when he says, "Well, then it's not a problem, is it? Unless it makes you put yourself in danger or you think it's a problem. Are you comfortable with using?"

"I was," Ian admits, eyes down. "Yeah I guess I am, though I've not touched anything since that night, so I don't know if it'll... trigger me or something."

"Do you need it to play?" Antony asks, coming to a stop in front of their room. He swipes the keycard through the reader and opens the door.

"Need it? " Another shrug. "I always use when I'm bottoming, if I'm looking for pain, but I never do when I'm topping." He follows Antony into the room. "But then I only bottom off club, and I only top when I'm here."

"Well, if you want to keep using and you're worried about it triggering you, then you use with me, at the gym, for the first time," Antony offers, turning to face Ian, "and we can see what happens."

"Well, it's only going to be you anyway now, isn't it?" Ian splays his hands, his words soft, almost resigned. "My...sadist..."

"Except when you go out clubbing," Antony says but he grins at the last part. "What's that make you? My pain slut?" he teases.

Ian had meant he'd only be using and playing with Antony from now on, but... He glances up at Antony's words. "Something like that," but he doesn't sound entirely happy about it, and he doesn't understand why. Antony is a great guy, a superb top... it's just Ian hadn't ever expected to be anyone's... _something_ again.

"Hey. What's wrong?" Antony asks, moving closer. "I was just kidding."

"I...I just...I promised myself that there'd be no one, after Kyan. No lover, no partner, no Sir...and then I met Joe," He blows out a breath and makes his way to the bed so he can sit on the edge. "And now I have a lover and a partner...and I have you." He looks up. "S'why I don't want to call you Sir... I _want_ to be the masochist to your sadist, and that's all." The words feel clumsy, like he's not expressing himself, his feelings or intentions properly.

Antony sits down beside him. "Okay. Then do you want to go back downstairs? Not meet for drinks like this? I'm not really sure what you're getting at."

"I'm not really sure I know what I'm getting at either," Ian admits, leaning in to bump his shoulder against Antony's. "I think I'm over thinking, getting ahead of myself, when all I need to do is...just be."

"You sound like Stephen. Or rather you sound like me, getting ahead of yourself. He tells me to just be," Antony says with a small smile, bumping back.

"Yeah? Then can you please tell me how the hell to do that?" He gives Antony a wry grin.

"You just relax and enjoy the moment and not worry about what's coming next," Antony says softly, brushing their fingers together again.

"Just?" Ian huffs out the word and shakes his head. "Okay... I can try huh?" He turns his hand over to offer Antony his palm.

Antony links their fingers, squeezing gently, the warmth of Ian's hand noted with a small smile before he leans in, brushing their lips together.

Ian's lips part and he finds himself leaning in for more almost instantly. 'Sex' is something he can do, and he likes Antony. _A lot_.

Encouraged, Antony deepens the kiss, keeping in mind the limits Ian set earlier.

_continued in the next part_


End file.
